Prawn Pimp

There's this cooooool place near Jurong Bird Park which is like JB (Jurong Bird, geddit?) where you - get this - pay money by the hour to sit by this blue pond filled with what looked like black water in it... to fish prawns!

Like, how cool is that?

Here's how I ended up going to Prawn Palace (I am calling it that ‘coz it was so dark when I got there I couldn't really see, plus I was too blown away): I'd spent pretty much the day with the dogs at the new house. Derrick and Jarell came to hang out, and they helped to cut the tree branches and clean up the pool (ain’t that sweet…).

We had an awesome time playing with the dogs, checking out monkeys across the yard and trying the cocoa fruit in the yard. After a hard day's work, the dashing duo invited me to join them at their favourite haunt. It was almost 9pm and I was way past my bedtime, but I decided, sod it, I am over 30…. C’est la vie!

So off we went... and went... and went... Wah, damn far this place. Somewhere near Jurong Bird Park. Machiam must bring passport one. We sat ourselves down for some zi char, and settled down to watch the Aunties and Uncles put the Taufiks and Kellys to shame with their musical prowess. Complete with LIVE band, disco lights and a Disco Mama.

Then we spotted her. A girl, whose looks were so bland they made bran taste like foie gras. There she was. Perched on a plinth, a fishing rod dangling nonchalantly like a cigarette from her right hand. She scanned the pond, as if reading into the blackness and summoning her crustacean minions to her. Every two minutes, she simply flicked her wrist and plooooop! out came a mega prawn.

Without fail, they simply offered themselves into eternal damnation. Plooooop! Plooooop! Plooooop! She just kept fishing without the slightest effort. She was THE Prawn Fishing Machine; I don’t reckon the Prawn Palace made any money out of her that night…

What blew my mind (and write this entry) was this 50-something-year-old Uncle Uncle type, to whom Prawn Fishing Machine would with a yawn pass her rod upon hooking her latest victim. He would with the greatest of care and slightest of touch transfer the shelly one into a basket in the pond – also known as prawn purgatory – while she looked on. And immediately, he would prepare her bait. Not for her the box standard cockle the rest of us plebeians were using. No, no, no. She used only LIVE bait (which probably explained her success rate although I still think there was some kind of marine voodoo going on there…)

This chap has got it figured out, I suppose. I mean, why bother laying down 25 buckeroos if you can simply sit down and let Prawn Fishing Machine do all the work, right? The rate of return just does not make any sense.

Rather, simply be ready to tack bait and move the latest damned victim.

Rather, be the Prawn Pimp.

I suppose I wouldn’t be much good to Prawn Pimp. For one thing, the motivation is not there.

See, I am allergic to prawns.

On talking

In the scheme of things, the planet is a really big place.

The fact that you're with this Other Half suggests that there was some kind of love meteorite that caused a heart collision.

You've heard that men are from some planet. Mars, Snickers, something like that. You fork out the 9.99 pounds and bring the book home. You read it from cover to cover, devour the nuggets of so-called truth, and then you take a big breath.

You lean back. The light bulb goes off. "Wow. Men have caves. They are beeeears. You must leave them alone to hibernate when they need to work out their issues," you utter.

So women love to talktalktalk about their eee.mooooooole.shuuuuurns all the time (no.......................;) ) , and men in their finite wisdom deal best with the following thought process:

1) The problem is this
2) The solution is/are this/there

So... You adjust and you adapt. Nevermind the emotions. Whenever possible, stoop to their level. Short sentences, facts, no adjectives if possible.

Fast forward to... last night. As dinner came and went, and the planned dog walk gets delayed due to wine sorting and overseas, you asked simply to check: "So, will there be walking of dogs tonight?"

You thought: You're in your office attire. If the answer is no, then take shower, take out contact lenses, read book/blog/watch TV until he ends call and hopefully fool around a bit.

If the answer is yes, then stay in office attire since you will be filthy after the walk anyway so might as well take shower AFTER dog walk followed by abovementioned.

And what did he say in reply?

"Well, I'm about to hop on this call in 12 minutes, and I can't go now because I've not got enough time. If it's not too late when this call ends, then I will take one of the dogs for a walk, maybe two. But I can't promise because these calls take usually an hour and I can't be sure. So, when it ends, I will take Fred, or maybe Oris and Fred. But I can't guarantee. But if you like, you may certainly take one of them. Or two."

Like.... er... chicklet to Mar, Snickers, or something like that. I just asked for a yes or no answer leh. Yes - don't take shower yet. No - take shower, end of story.

He said: "But you will want to know what time the walk will be.... blahblahblah." I must admit, Ikinda lost track here (what bear? what cave?). I mean, if the answer was No, then who cares what time it might have been, right?! And if I really cared, then I'd have ask a follow-up question upon getting a Yes answer leh.

Anyway, now that I think about it, despite making his presumption-laden and longwinded response, and then justifying it, the issue of time never did come up, did it? I mean, he never did give an indication, did he?

Which brings me here, drafting this blog. I won't post it tonight. I think for coherence's sake I best come back to it the day after (at least). Plus, The Lord of The Ring beckons in the next room.

In the scheme of things, if Mars fails and Venus lets you down, try Middle Earth.

Whining about Winos - An MSN conversation

Diana says:
here I am, what's up?;)
Diana says:
just bk from a jog;)
chicklet says:
Yeah, need to bitch about someone I met last night!
chicklet says:
You shd have been there!
Diana says:
who who who?????
chicklet says:
Was at a wine tasting event - which as you know is often full of snooty people. I think I met the ultimate last night!
chicklet says:
He was some editor of a food mag, and CHINESE.
chicklet says:
Now, get this: He kept going on about how he's an ANGLOphile
Diana says:
what is an anglophile?
chicklet says:
and his parents were wine lovers so he started to taste wine at the age of 5
chicklet says:
Anglophile means someone who's Chinese but dying to be angmoh hahaha
chicklet says:
no lah, someone who loves everything British
Diana says:
then wat happened?
chicklet says:
so anyway, he went on and on abt how he studied in UK blahblahblah
chicklet says:
How TEN years ago he hung out in Sloane Street (v hip)
chicklet says:
and women were drinking vodka and mixed drinks
chicklet says:
but in Singapore women are behind trend.
chicklet says:
but at least are finally appreciating champagne (we were at champagne tasting)
chicklet says:
then the ultimate was he said that only women in the upper class knew how to appreciate champagne
chicklet says:
because they were able to afford it
Diana says:
that is fei hua!
chicklet says:
and to top it off, he was bragging about hunting game in AFRICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
chicklet says:
like how they wd drink champagne at 7am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
chicklet says:
sorry ah, but KNNB! (I have been reading too much rockson)
chicklet says:
to put it in context, think of the Japanese store at our canteen - you know the tall fella?
chicklet says:
you picturing him?
Diana says:
yea yea, i rem him;)
chicklet says:
ok, now picture him shorter.... with an even severe BMT haircut and black glasses
chicklet says:
You got the "ADD_DEE_TERR" (editor)
chicklet says:
sheesh................ i was dying to say something. wish you were there to Sino-phile him a bit ;)
chicklet says:
Maybe because the event started late and there was no food, but man did this guy get my goat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
chicklet says:
I am open to Caucasian ideas and culture as you can guess but man do I hate those who pretend they ARE angmoh. tak boleh tahan
chicklet says:
So I was stuck at this wonderful tasting having to listen to this jerk deny his Chinese blood
chicklet says:
I wished you were there to wa-lab him
chicklet says:
Then the guy talking abt the champagne was rambling, and half the time I didn't know what the hell he was saying (and I thought myself quite used to it hahaha)
chicklet says:
so instead of sipping a bit from the five glasses, I drank the whole bloody lot! Even the one that I didn't like!
chicklet says:
lucky they were not full glasses
chicklet says:
funny thing is, someboy from another wine event had wanted to introduce me to this magazine so I could write for them! thank god. I'd slit my throat if I'd to take more of his wannabe angmoh crap
Diana says:
is he drunk or what?
chicklet says:
no! that would have helped!
chicklet says:
so instead, I got drunk
Diana says:
why dun he migrate n live in GREAT Britain then?
Diana says:
hahaha
chicklet says:
between having to listen to him and the French winemaker - who could blame me?!
Diana says:
maybe because he is on a mission to come back to singapore and teach us lower class types to how 'really live' like cultured humans and not animals
chicklet says:
what a pompous twat
chicklet says:
then there was this girl who worked for the wine shop - pretty and nice boobs. I was quite jealous until I heard the words "the music of the champagne bubbles" spill out of her mouth!
chicklet says:
wah lan eh
chicklet says:
bimbo alert
chicklet says:
I felt way better abt myself then
Diana says:
told u already, some pretty gers can't speak properly one...only nice to see...
chicklet says:
don't know where she copied that over-the-top line from. Probably the angmoh wannabe editor's magazine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Diana says:
but bcos men are stupid, so good for bimbos lah
chicklet says:
Hmm, now that I think of it, this is great blog fodder. I shd know learn how to type in entries for now.
chicklet says:
I got a blog, but don't know to put up text hahaha
Diana says:
u not enuff writing n editing to do ah?

Hello, world

Okay, so here I am. Online, on record, on fire. And now...
It's back to work. I just wanted to test out if this works. Later ;)