On talking

In the scheme of things, the planet is a really big place.

The fact that you're with this Other Half suggests that there was some kind of love meteorite that caused a heart collision.

You've heard that men are from some planet. Mars, Snickers, something like that. You fork out the 9.99 pounds and bring the book home. You read it from cover to cover, devour the nuggets of so-called truth, and then you take a big breath.

You lean back. The light bulb goes off. "Wow. Men have caves. They are beeeears. You must leave them alone to hibernate when they need to work out their issues," you utter.

So women love to talktalktalk about their eee.mooooooole.shuuuuurns all the time (no.......................;) ) , and men in their finite wisdom deal best with the following thought process:

1) The problem is this
2) The solution is/are this/there

So... You adjust and you adapt. Nevermind the emotions. Whenever possible, stoop to their level. Short sentences, facts, no adjectives if possible.

Fast forward to... last night. As dinner came and went, and the planned dog walk gets delayed due to wine sorting and overseas, you asked simply to check: "So, will there be walking of dogs tonight?"

You thought: You're in your office attire. If the answer is no, then take shower, take out contact lenses, read book/blog/watch TV until he ends call and hopefully fool around a bit.

If the answer is yes, then stay in office attire since you will be filthy after the walk anyway so might as well take shower AFTER dog walk followed by abovementioned.

And what did he say in reply?

"Well, I'm about to hop on this call in 12 minutes, and I can't go now because I've not got enough time. If it's not too late when this call ends, then I will take one of the dogs for a walk, maybe two. But I can't promise because these calls take usually an hour and I can't be sure. So, when it ends, I will take Fred, or maybe Oris and Fred. But I can't guarantee. But if you like, you may certainly take one of them. Or two."

Like.... er... chicklet to Mar, Snickers, or something like that. I just asked for a yes or no answer leh. Yes - don't take shower yet. No - take shower, end of story.

He said: "But you will want to know what time the walk will be.... blahblahblah." I must admit, Ikinda lost track here (what bear? what cave?). I mean, if the answer was No, then who cares what time it might have been, right?! And if I really cared, then I'd have ask a follow-up question upon getting a Yes answer leh.

Anyway, now that I think about it, despite making his presumption-laden and longwinded response, and then justifying it, the issue of time never did come up, did it? I mean, he never did give an indication, did he?

Which brings me here, drafting this blog. I won't post it tonight. I think for coherence's sake I best come back to it the day after (at least). Plus, The Lord of The Ring beckons in the next room.

In the scheme of things, if Mars fails and Venus lets you down, try Middle Earth.